Compassionate End-of-Life Care: Holistic Support and Bereavement Care with a Death Midwife
“If we do not birth and die ritually, we will do so technologically, inscribing technocratic values in our very bones. It matters greatly not only that we birth and die, but HOW we birth and die.”
- Ronald Grimes
death midwife
We may not like to think or talk about it, but, as much as it is possible, we’d all like to die well. To be cared for with compassion, sensitivity and knowledgeable respect. To be free from physical pain. To die in peace and dignity, preferably not alone.
This Hallowed Wilderness embodies this heart-oriented approach to death and dying. I believe in returning choice and agency to dying individuals and their families as an alternative to the futile medical interventions and treatments that so often prolong pain at the end of life.
I advocate being informed and planning ahead to make this final rite of passage a sacred, awe-inspiring time filled with intimacy, beauty and love rather than fear and overwhelm.
With a focus on emotional, spiritual, social and ritual support, I will work with you to help you face your fears and anxieties, reflect on your legacy, cultivate moments of joy and pleasure, and create your unique vision of a “good death.” I will be a companion who honors your wholeness, not just your dying body.
From sitting vigil during the stages of active dying to “midwifing” a peaceful transition to keeping your body in your family’s loving care with a home funeral, it is my honor to hold this space for you. To serve you and your family before, during and after death.
To help you enter into this incredibly profound human experience feeling more empowered, connected and at ease.
services
Initial Consultation and Intake
We will review your current health status, treatment and support system with you and/or your caregiver(s). During this time together, we will explore your worries and concerns, as well as your hopes, desires and final wishes for what would make this stage of your life meaningful to you.
Companion Visits:
Providing companionship and comfort to the dying including conversation, Reiki, reading, music, memory-sharing and sitting in sacred silence. This time may allow family members a respite to run errands, catch up on sleep or do something to nourish themselves.
Vigil
Accompanying your loved one and offering family support in the active stages of dying. This sacred time could include music, prayer, readings, storytelling, anointing the body, saying goodbye and sitting in silence.
Ritual
Dying is an act of the body, but it is also an act of soul. Ritual creates and holds space for the richness of this liminal time, for how we choose to honor and navigate the “lasts,” for how we want to be remembered, for how we wish to knit our community of loved ones closer together, for the expression of our deep longings, wisdom, truths and gratitudes and for our remembrance of our connection to the wider web one life. Created together with your intentions in mind, ritual can be an anchor giving ballast and beauty to meeting the unknown.
Obituary and Eulogy Writing
Writing is one of my first loves, and I spent the earlier part of my life as a print journalist. When tensions and emotions are high, the pressure to capture a loved one in a way that truly honors them can feel overwhelming. I’ll help you sift through the stories, memories, passions and interests, milestones and accomplishments, endearing quirks and foibles to paint a picture that affirms who they were, the difference they made and why they were so beloved.
Home Funeral Planning***
Home funerals can be a transforming experience that gives family members a place to channel their grief, which is in essence love wanting to be expressed. We’ll discuss everything from logistics to ceremonial and ritual components that honor their body, the life they lived and their final wishes.
***Additional support provided, as requested, to facilitate a home funeral (oversee family-directed care and ritual and help with bathing and moving the body)
frequently asked questions
What is a death midwife?
A death midwife is a holistic and spiritual companion to anyone at the end of life. We bridge the gap between the medical profession and the funeral industry to provide compassionate support to those seeking a more personal, meaningful and greener end-of-life experience.
What is the difference between hospice and death midwifery?
Hospice is medically sourced and must be prescribed. A death midwife is not medically trained. Death midwifery is rooted in the grassroots/folkway tradition of families caring for their dying and reclaiming the honor of being present in one of the most wondrous and profoundly intimate moments of our lives.
Are death midwives and death doulas different?
No. We perform the same service. (though the word “doula” has its origins in Ancient Greece, where it referred to a “woman’s servant” or “female slave.” Today, a doula is more softly defined as “a woman who serves another woman” — a fitting term for someone who assists the midwife or birthing mother during childbirth).